It's Christmas Eve...

And I've finished putting up and decorating the tree, I've finished preparing and wrapping presents and letters, and now I'm sitting in the dark waiting for my two best friends to arrive to celebrate the holiday, as my parents aren't usually in the winter solstice spirit.

I've only been home for a few days and I'm realizing a lot. My Grandmother is often worried about me because of how invested I am into my friendships back home, because I think she thinks they bring me down or keep me from building relationships with new people. But, after being home and missing so many people from Hofstra and feeling very much at home in the comforting arms of my friends, I feel, no, I know, I can balance both worlds.

The truth is, Bethlehem is what made me. I wouldn't be half the woman I am today if it wasn't for these icy winter streets and the availability of my friends being here in 15 minutes. I wouldn't be who I am if it wasn't for learning my parents personalities inside and out, or if I hadn't seen my friends go through half the things they did, if I didn't go through half the things I did.

I have every intention of moving away from Bethlehem, however, I also promise myself that I will come back, because losing this, losing who I am, would be like losing my family.

The house smells like chicken soup, and soon it will smell like the fireplace.
I cannot wait to grow up and see this whole town in a different light, because I feel I'm still seeing it through the eyes of a 4 year old little girl, who didn't know much more than the snow that toppled over her head.



Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Wonderful Winter.


"I can't imagine all the people that you know
And the places that you go
When the lights are turned down low
And I don't understand
All the things you've seen
But I'm slipping in between
You and your big... dreams
it's always you in my big dreams

And you tell me
That it's over
Wake up lying in a patch of four leaf clover
And you're restless
And I'm naked
You've got to get out
You can't stand to see me shaking
no, could you let me go
I didn't think so

and you don't want to be here in the future
So you say
the present's just a pleasant
Interruption to the past
And you don't want to look much closer
'Cause you're afraid to find out all this hope
You had sent into the sky by now had... crashed
and it did because of me

And then you bring me home
Afraid to find out that you're alone, no
And I'm sleeping in your living room
But we don't have much room
To live

I had these dreams, in them I learned to play guitar
Maybe cross the country
Become a rockstar
And there was hope in me
That I could take you there
But damn it you're so young
But I don't think I care
and if I hurt you then i'm sorry
please don't think that this was easy

And then you bring me home
'Cause we both know what it's like to be alone, no
And I'm dreaming in your living room
But we don't have much room
To live

And Konstantine is walking down the stairs
Doesn't she look good
Standing in her underwear?
And I was thinking, what I was thinking
But we've been drinking
And it doesn't get me anywhere

My Konstantine came walking down the stairs
And all that I could do
Was touch her long blonde hair
And I've been thinking
It hurts me thinking
That these nights when we were drinking
No they never got us anywhere, no

This is because I can spell konfusion with a K
And I can like it
It's to dying in anothers arms
and why i had to try it
It's to jimmy eat world
and those nights in my car
when the first star you see
may not be a star
I'm not your star
Isn't that what you said?
what you thought this song meant

And if this is what it takes
just to lie with my mistakes
and live with what I did to you
All the hell I put you through
I always catch the clock it's 11:11
And now you want to talk
it's not hard to dream
You'll always be my Konstantine
My Konstantine

They'll never hurt you like I do
No, They'll never hurt you like I do
No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No

This is to a girl who got into my head
with all the pretty things she did
Hey, You know, you keep me up in bed
This is to a girl who got into my head
with all these fucked up things I did
Hey maybe baby, you could keep me up in bed
My Konstantine

Spin around me like a dream
We played out on this movie screen
And I said,
Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you
Did you know I miss you

I miss you

And then you bring me home
And we'll go to sleep but this time not alone, no No,
And then you'll kiss me in your living room, oh
I know you miss me in your living room
Cause these nights I think maybe that I miss you in my living room
We don't have much room
I said, does anybody need that room?
Because we all need a little more room
To live

...My Konstantine."



"Hey, when I think about all my time and all my struggle
Through all my grindin’ and all my troubles
Man I came up from nothin’ , all I had was a hustle
With a blindfold tryin’ to find pieces to the puzzle, no muzzle
I tell it like it is, that’s that, right or wrong, I’mma call it how I see it
Don’t forget that impossible is nothin’, your environment is irrelevant
Just don’t let your emotions over power your intelligence
Refuse to give up, your mistakes don't define you
they dont dictate where you headin’, they remind you
That time keeps tickin’, let your mind keep clickin’
Never stop thinkin’, be aware of your decision
Everywhere the collisions
And the potholes hidden in the road that you travel on your lifelong mission
Just listen everyday like a snap shot is taken, if you live you could learn if you just be patient

‘Cause life is like a slide show
And all the places I go
And all the things that I know
Through all the highs and lows
‘Cause life is like a slide show
And all the things that I’ve seen
And all the things that I dream
You can’t take away from me
‘Cause life is like a slide show

‘Cause when I look back at a fly young cat
Who could rap with a dream, look where I took that
Beginning on bankhead, then I spread out
Vision in my head, all I had to do is to get it out
When I walked out of my house, and look at my street
All I see is the opportunity that lead me to truancy
I ain’t really have a role model to influence me
Uncle (someone?) they said next its gonna be you in it
As a juvenile caught cases so fluently look at my life and learn from it, don’t do it
If I only knew back then what I know now, how much better life would have been if I'da slowed down
Maybe I'da been Kanye, instead of seeing gunplay
But god got a plan, I’ll understand one day,
but one day of life like a snap shot is taken,
if you believe you can make it have faith be patient

‘Cause life is like a slide show
And all the places I go
And all the things that I know
Through all the highs and lows
‘Cause life is like a slide show
And all the things that I’ve seen
And all the things that I dream
You can’t take away from me
‘Cause life is like a slide show
Looking back on my life time
See the slides go by, trying to wonder why
Looking back at where I’ve been
I remember when, you remember

‘Cause life is like a slide show
And all the places I go
And all the things that I know
Through all the highs and lows
‘Cause life is like a slide show
And all the things that I’ve seen
And all the things that I dream
You can’t take away from me
‘Cause life is like a slide show
‘Cause life is like a slide show
‘Cause life is like a slide show
‘Cause I see, cause I dream, life is like a slide show"