Saturday, January 3, 2009


I suppose I should write my first blog of the new year... but the truth is that I don't know what to say. My heart has been torn between light and heavy the past week or so that I've been back in Pennsylvania. Things are always good, and things are usually also bad. And I'm finding it harder and harder for me to imagine A. being able to actually think of something to write besides writing about why I can't write, or B. leaving all these people behind again.

What is even harder is that I've learned a lot about love and friendship since I've been home. I think it's funny that that is what I'm always learning about, but I never learn anything I can easily apply to life. And I'm trying very hard to show my teachers (my friends) what they've taught me, but I feel like it will land on deaf ears so I sit here struggling to write out my thoughts with out getting too personal, because no one likes a name dropper.

The truth is that I know I want to go back to New York, I know that I want to speed through this learning and start my life in an apartment the size of my bedroom here, with only WiFi and an open window to keep me company. That would be fine with me. I want to walk out into the brisk air and see a friendly face who's hand links in mine.

I want to grow old with these people by my side. However I know only a few will last, and I know that my heart is once again moving too fast because I have never once seen such blurred places.

I hate to fight for the past present and future all at once... but I'm not sure how else to fight at all.

In other news, I have a slinky.

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