I'm mainly posting this because I'm avoiding studying for my midterm, because I'm tired, stressed, and really don't feel well.
Last night was one of those nights, where everything goes wrong. My arthritis was acting up, I had a headache, and I was sad.
I was thinking about depression last night, and about how maybe it really is the sole route of most people's problems. Ever wonder why you get sick the day before a big test you've been stressing about? Why after 2 mental health days it turns out you need an ACTUAL health day?
The thing is, is that locking yourself in your room and crying all night isn't going to make the difference in your mood. You need to get yourself out of bed, and out into the sun. Wake up, and do something, eat for god sake. And I don't mean the bag of milanos under your pillow.
Depression is debilitating, trust me, I know. But something I'm slowly learning that not many people know is... you can beat it. Without the pills, with out the therapy. There are of course extreme cases, where you really do need those things, but at the end of the day it is you who has control of your emotions.
People who are happy all the time are happy all the time because they have made life decisions that make them that way, if you don't like the color of your room, and it makes you sad, clear out your shit, get some paint, have some friends over, and CHANGE IT. If you don't like where you are or what you are doing, CHANGE IT. Oh I know the response is going to come "but Tamlyn, sometimes you really are stuck someplace." Okay. So you're really stuck someplace, because of an obligation you made, or money problems, what is the point of sitting and wallowing? If you can't change where you are, change your attitude. Go into every day like it's going to be the best day of your life. You're going to work harder, laugh harder, talk louder, be smarter, than the day before. If something brings you down, this isn't to say that you can't take a moment and be sad, but for god sakes if you're going to be sad - LOOK at why you are sad. Figure it out, and if it is in your control, fix it, if it isn't... here is a novel idea... GET THE FUCK OVER IT.
Life is going to throw curve balls at us, and a lot of the time, they're going to get us down rather than pick us up. But instead of sitting and thinking "Where have I gone wrong? What did I do to deserve this?" start WALKING and thinking "Where have I gone right? If I did something wrong, how can I rectify it? How do I change the path that I am currently taking?"
On that note, I will be applying for transfer to NYU. It's a leap, hell, it's a HUGE jump... but I think that I would be overall happier there, and if it is my surroundings that are bringing me down, I will change them. If it's the people around me, I will shed them. If it is myself, I will be reborn.
(People are really gunna hate me huh? =P)